On the eve of Raya, He showed the flipside to me

So like every other year, I had to clean the house up for Raya, when I stumbled across one of my most treasured things I still have from my Form 6 years: The Pre-U Science 1/2 books.

Bohare kept it for awhile till I phoned him one day and asked for it; he still keeps it in view of returning it to me someday. But after I got it back, it was lying around and then went missing at home till today.

Turning the cover, you'll find the "guestbook", a page dedicated to have people who read the whole thing to leave a message. Even to this day, I'm still astonished at how many signatures I got - even the juniors signed it, those I don't even know their names of - and the really really nice messages they've written. To think, I was a total, uninterested, weirdo in Form 6, to think my handwriting was barely readable, to think there were so many vague references to anime and also tongue-in-cheek Japanese slotted here and there, people still enjoyed my writing, they loved it when I wrote about them in my own fictional way, they wanted more and I kept on writing till the two years have gone by.

The guestbook never fails to bring me to tears. I suddenly feel so wanted - the mindset that my Form 6 life was a waste had changed. I seriously thought nobody gave me a damn. I've only evoked bad memories of that period, I guess that's why these books are for - they'd remind me of the better times that I would've forgotten had they not been written or chronicled.

And now, probably, just probably, I have this new urge to come to their houses this Raya.

With these books in hand.

Raya is no joy

This upcoming Raya will again be a lonely time period for me - the past couple of years I hardly went to visit any of my friends' homes nor anyone came to me because as much as our house actually prepares for Raya, we close the gate most days.

I should stop whining. This is the consequence of being an antisocial immature asshole when I was a teen. Also, everyone else had made their next step in their lives i.e. the scary working world where most people don't seem to known anything apart from what they have to do and where or when the next eat-out place is. No time for youth anymore. I've let all of it go and it just went past me.

Anyway, like I said, I should stop whining. Everyone in the house is falling sick to the flu so I can't possibly sing for Raya on this blog like I intended to do.

The next few days is gonna be tiring. Expect me to delete this entry when I get better.

Why do you ask forgiveness for all your wrongs, when you're gonna do it all over again until the next year?

No way for Easy Way anymore

Last night I had a nightmare of attending Ugama school again. Yes, big ol' me but with that blue sinjang and white uniform and a songkok... sitting on a school desk... what's worse there was a tarantula inside my songkok and I had to throw it away and caused a ruckus because it was in the middle of prayer x_X

So Easy Way was my fave drink joint until recently when they ran out of Green Apple flavour and also don't wanna give those punch-cards that was popular before. I guess it's already out-of-fashion for punch-card joints in Brunei, but it actually kept a lot of people coming to Easy Way. I saw people bring even cardholders of Easy Way punch-cards. They had always run out of Large size, proof of their popularity within Brunei.

But now it's not that I'm fed up with Easy Way, but since I can't feel that urge to fill up punch-cards anymore, I'm not going back as frequent as I did at least.

What anger management? It's already here

Over the years I noticed that even if my mom is really a rage freak, she keeps it in check every fasting month.

Of course, so many things can make her snap but particularly at these times she tries to not raise her voice or even say bad things or anything.

I should really know this... no matter how alim I was when I was a kid I never really thought about keeping a cool head on the holy month. My personality was just like that.

Well I guess people grow up and realise things they took for granted before, bit by bit. It's just a shame that I just mature too late for everyone's liking.