I have a deep fear of rejection.
When I was a kid, I often don't get what I want. Or perhaps I was asked to ask someone something - some important question that is half-rhetoric in a way that if I got a positive answer everything will be fine again and everyone will be happy. But everytime I asked, he said no.
Whatever it was, it turned into a trauma.
Now I fear asking for anything that's usually in my favour. I often misplace the reason for it being wanting myself to be a humble person - indeed, I strongly oppose anyone who thinks I am selfish or be doing something selfishly.
This eventually went to extreme proportions (like everything bad about me). For instance, I really don't like it when someone I accompany with to an eatery, doesn't eat with me. I'll soon get terrible images of that person "having to put up with my obsessive eating" and think of me as a burden.
Take Yasmi to restaurant only for him to eat -> burden -> selfish.
If that happens I'll do anything to make them eat - even shoving food in their mouth if I have to.
So maybe this all comes down to me being an extreme introvert. I can only express myself using expressionless, carefully-selected words, without going face-to-face. I write awesome apologies, but I can't even deal with the other guy when he goes near me.
Don't ask, and you'll lose your way, a native proverb says. Well, I think I'm already inside a roundabout with no exits.
