Reminiscing

I watch and play a lot of high-school setting romance anime and games; and it is true that so many series have that kind of situation; whether a "coming of age" story or a dramatic love decahedron.

And when I think back... I should have spent my high-school (in our case, secondary-school) a lot better. That's why I hate myself more than I hate everyone else - I always spurn a lot of my chances in life, usually for the safer but less-satisfying route.

Why did I thought I never had any friends back then? Why couldn't I even strike a proper conversation on my own? Why did I make enemies with the greatest genius I've ever come to know?

And why didn't I find the love I've always craved for by myself?

These high-school romance are played by a lot of us grown-up males because we miss school. I always advise kids who hate school to never do that because when they become old as I am now, they'll sure be looking back and regret a few things.

We only live once. It's sad that we've wasted so many of our opportunities. It's okay if we can't turn back time, but if only we didn't have the ability to revisit the past...

One mellow post from the previous 2 rage posts. I've become so damn insecure.

If hate is a crime everyone would be in jail by now

You all say I'm a negative person. You wanna know why I'm a negative person? It's because of you guys, humans, who are haters.

Let's take an example of football fans. Liverpool fans hate Man U and their fans. They hate Man U when they win. And they still hate Man U when they lose.

You don't have the right to criticise people if you yourself aren't good in the field you are scrutinising. The judges in reality TV singing shows are themselves singers or producers who've been there and then. They're not picked by random. So if you're not a professional footballer shut the fuck up about maiming footballers and teams and stop insulting the people who are paid to do the job. Whether they're doing it properly or not it's their problem.

Same goes if you're not an actor, you shouldn't say an actor is crap. If you're not a painter or artist, don't criticise a work of art.

It's an unfair world. There's less love and more hate. Less rights and more wrongs. Less goods and more bads. I've learned that. But I've learned that I can make it better, even if I won't be credited in the end. But you guys aren't supportive of my efforts. That's why I don't feel so positive about you all.

You guys are killing me

I'm the only UBD CS alumni without employment, and now I'm being abandoned? Of course, I understand, recently I don't fancy traveling to Bandar and I'm probably too broke to treat anyone anymore but you guys should be a bit more decent than that.

The rumours about me being a sick pedo are rife in Facebook. I want to make this clear: I like young children and babies but I don't ever intend to sexually assault them. Nor am I attracted to two-dimensional kids.

My girlfriend wants me to curb the romantics and just build our relationship slow. That's different than my personality when it comes to love. I'm a true lovebug, but real girls are so damn fickle.

Now I have no money and no job and my mom shoved this in the face this morning. I'm beginning to think about the near future and whether I really have a function to keep living in this world. I must stop myself from being suicidal again - but it's hard to when you feel like you have nothing to offer in this world and have no faith in love or humanity anymore.

Two new obsessions

一言でも　いえなくて
すごく恥ずかしい
何故か勇気が出られない　アタシどうしたらいいの？
この胸にドキドキしながら　アナタをみつめてるよ

キラキラ 眩しくてみえない No No No No No
ハラハラ 驚くほど　Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
ガクガク 体中震えてる　Gee Gee Gee Gee Gee
照れるアタシの笑顔 Oh Yeah
香ばしいアナタの香り　Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah

...

Besides from what my whole family had managed to get me into, I got myself immersed in Shirokishi Monogatari. It's basically Monster Hunter with more RPG elements. I dunno if I should go online with this... I don't like playing games online due to all the strangers. Then again I was recently invited to become a beta tester for an up-and-coming virtual world platform, so I better get used to this.

方向音痴

I truly have no sense of direction.

So on Monday I went to DSS. Riding to Tungku Link (which in my opinion is the most awesome road name in the world) I kept reminding myself, "it's not the flyover after UBD." So I went past that... and went up the next flyover which goes to Muara -_-;

Then I went "I have to get out of this..." and took the right turn immediately after, but somehow I end up at the other side of the road and now I'm turning away from Gadong. So I thought to myself "okay I'm gonna get on the Rimba flyover and across so that I can get to Gadong".

I then turned into that flyover, which if you remember, has two roundabouts at each side, making the whole thing look like a female's... er let's stop there. Anyway I went round the first roundabout after crossing it, but didn't turn to the junction going to Gadong, so I end up getting off the flyover FACING THE SAME DIRECTION.

So I had to get inside UBD and use its roundabout to turn to Gadong again. Yes I was too paranoid to even turn right before the UBD entrance to save time.

I managed to get to DSS and did my test. I did what I do best when I was at UBD, which is BSing my answers on a test. Seriously I'm gonna stab Mimi for telling me what comes out is QBASIC and not VBasic. That's a very big difference.

Then I drove away from DSS and wanted to turn left to go back home, but I don't see a left turn. And I went past the right junction which would've been the right way, and instead I was heading to Gadong -_______-; I went nuts. Gadong is still a mystery territory to me. I hoped for a U-turn and luckily there was one before the big intersection.

Managed to get off towards Jerudong and went to UBD, tried to see my sensei but there were Japanese students touring UBD it seems so I couldn't get near her. So I went home, feeling damn hungry but couldn't stop by Tutong to eat.

Because I would've ended up in Layong at that rate.