You can't buzz off from my mom

I never praise my mom enough, but that's because she quite pompous.

But reading this reminded me of something: my mom's an expert fly-swatter.

Any fly that comes in the house and annoys my mom won't come out alive. Even though her sight isn't the best, she doesn't struggle to find where a fly would rest, and smack it dead. It isn't as easy as it looks, you should try it yourself. If you read that article, the fly possesses this uncanny instinct to be in the alert from getting swatted. But my mom always gets her fly because of the slow buildup to her attack and her swift swing and kill. That must come from from the fact that she was good at badminton in her teens. She passed those skills to my brother who's active in that sport nowadays.

Actually her fly-swatter probably has a name or something. Excalibur? Hahaha.

22nd Japanese Speech Competition

A lot of people have been worried about my negative entries lately so I should really post something else.

I'd been wanting to come see this year's Japanese Speech Competition but it was only yesterday when I knew what date it's held so I went up to UBD today. The usual suspects came along too, namely Ken, last year's winner Bobby, Afi and Haji, and surprisingly Zat too.

Congrats to Grace for winning the Advanced level. I know her since we're both Belait people and she's my junior so I'm glad. Have a fun trip.

Later, after discussing about job stuff with Ken, me and Zat went out to lunch like we always did back in UBD. Sigh, how times have passed.

Here's a lowdown on what I thought about the speeches in particular:-

• That キモオタ actually tried a second time but he really didn't make the effort this time 'round. I passed him by while he was waiting to be picked up (omg so hiki) but I declined to say something. Best not to.


• To be critical of the speeches in general, I now know that they want clarity over everything else. Noted Bobby saying "s/he's gone" whenever a contestant paused. But try to pronounce even proper nouns in the Japanese pronunciation. And don't mention anything about anime :3


• 「そして」は多すぎだと思う。


• There's this girl (and probably another one?) who used a moekawaii voice to talk. It worked for me, who have the opinion that Japanese is a smooth-talking language, but it probably didn't for the judges. Still, I really want her to voice my main heroine for my own er- err visual novel in the future...


• Emo-style ad-lib(?) also didn't work. Still, it was really smart that you could disguise your sobbing (because you forgot your lines/can't make em up) with claiming you were into the feel of the topic of your speech.


• I only knew bits of Ayumi Hamasaki's Voyage and none of whatever the MS students were singing after the Advanced category. Last year they sang Okazaki-sensei's For Fruits Basket which was a great tribute and will always bring tears to my eyes (RIP Ritsuko Okazaki) and I would've even joined in the singing.


• Looks like I'll probably join next year. Bad luck to whoever's in the Advanced Level at then :3

I'm capable of punching you without prior notice

I get pissed whenever I hear my mom's angry voice. Trouble with her and my temper is that the second somebody triggers it, everyone will get it. I mean everyone. There was an incident in primary school when I pushed to the sidewalk a kid who didn't do anything to me except the bad luck of walking past me. There was another day when I kicked my little sister for nothing. I didn't meant to connect the kick though, but I did. I thought the damage to her was irreparable physically and mentally. I know I'm already mentally damaged but it's better to not share the pain.

I should get into anger management... but only if my mom joined me.

Some self-loathing

I sometimes feel really low.

As a troubled youth in my high school years there were many bad thoughts and actions - self-hate, paranoia, self-mutilation, even suicide, and shrinks had never worked for me.

Now there are so many reasons to think those thoughts again. I've got no job, I rely on people, my friends all have gone, I've got no connections, my childhood sweetheart isn't returning my calls.

But there's always this huge light shining all the darkness around me: the light from the Land of the Rising Sun. Japan gives me a purpose to live. Even if in my lifetime I shall never set foot there, learning everything I can about Japan drives me on each passing day.

That unfortunately makes me distant from everyone I know, nobody understands me. Nobody likes what I like. At the least, I talk to people who watch fansubs but I myself stopped watching anime, much less having it translated.

It probably feels like I don't try. I don't feel the need to. Like in middle school, I like being alone. Don't get me wrong I love people and to social but I feel inadequate to be doing so. I'm extremely sensitive with being played around.

I'm a weird and messed-up individual. Don't you feel sad you know this guy?

My foot

So on Saturday I woke up to a pain in my left foot... and now I can't even stand properly. I hope it's just a muscular problem that just needs some major popping to be done (you know, the nice feeling after cracking your joints) but if this continues maybe it's a fracture or something so I need to get it X-rayed.

It's not the first time I hurt my leg joints in my sleep. I think my feet's too big.