2009 sucks

I don't know why but 2009 started in a depressing way. Nothing happened yesterday though, I didn't even quarrel with mom yet. But I feel really down... could it be that this is the first year of me being a NEET and not having class?

Pretty soon I would stop saying "my youth is gone" and such because, like I said, I grow up slow mentally and fast physically (mentally I'm 5 years younger, that makes me 19 in my head). I'd have to face the fact that I'm getting older and trying to make my own life even if under the rules of my mother.

About socialising... I don't know anymore myself. My mom is nosy with stuff but I can understand that. When we all went to gather around and had a talk a few months ago, I'm surprised how my mom knew all my siblings' friends and not my own, that's because I was grown up antisocial and thus made no attempt to introduce or talk about my friends to her. Even now I think twice about going out with friends because I assume my mom doesn't like me doing that.

This and coupled with what happened one midnight in Bukit Beruang makes me feel like "oh man I don't really wanna go up to Bandar again". I know I'm giving it up too soon but that's because I always do. I've lost all faith in myself a long time ago - that's why you just can't trust me anymore.