Inbetween the hours of doom and strife

That's it.

I don't think I can go. Or want to.

I've put all my hopes on it for the past year. To the point of not performing as well as I can. But now I'll forever be a wuss, my future will be bleak, but that's what I deserve anyway.

First thing's first after the exam - get used to the damn roads. No I don't want to go to work. I need to get my ass into doing what even normal humans can do. Not like I'm normal anyway.

Why am I so cranky? Is it because it's 2AM, I can't sleep, and I can't fix this damn program I'm staring at for the past 8 hours? Is it because I just read that someone's blog, denying things? Is it because I haven't eaten in 3 days? Is it because of the load of work means that I can't go home on Thursday?

It may be all of 'em. I can't fix them straight away, like a good, cold glass of Clorox can.

I wish there was a better way to kill oneself.